Only Wanna Screw

(Lyrics | Chords)

The Story
This has got to be the most tasteless song I've ever written. I sure hope it is. It's just about a girl I saw but didn't meet. Yeah, she was hot and she left an impression.

But it was all physical. And I was pretty clear that my feelings were that, too. It was all from the caveman at the back of my head. "She pretty," the caveman said. "Me want to have sex with her."

I think the caveman's there for everyone. Just that we try to keep him away from other people, so he can't make us look like idiots.

So letting the caveman out is usually a case of oversharing. And that's what this song is. There's some poetic license, sure. But the core is a truth that most are afraid to speak.

And, of course, it's a parody of love songs. ('cause it's a sex song.)

The Song
How tasteless is it really? Well, you don't get this kind of material in pop or folk music very often, but I doubt that I'm treading any ground that rap music hasn't trampled. Sure, it's got some words like "fuck", "shit" and "tits", but are those really shocking words anymore?

Will the audience appreciate it? Very tough call. It's such a deadpan delivery that I fear people might take it seriously. And even if they get the joke, will they think it's funny?

Okay, so I just performed it, and got laughs into the second verse. Guess some audiences appreciate it.

What am I happy with? Good lines. Rhyming "outer space" with "(with)out a face". Or "You may be squirming where you site / But at least I'm not full of shit". And I do think the song is pretty funny. I was pretty sure this song wouldn't score me points with women, but it's actually been a net positive. Some girls were shocked we're still on speaking terms. Others started talking to me who never had before.

It's also a counterpoint to "The Night We Never Kissed"-- This one's about getting it wrong in the opposite direction.

. . . . . . . . . . . . .

Questions, comments or suggestions about this web site? Email me at